Anniversaries. Not normally associated with a bad thought… it really depends on what you keep in the memory bank. For me, as with most people, anniversaries are normally from some significant event in life. Tomorrow is an anniversary, not a very happy one, but just as meaningful. Tomorrow is the 3 month anniversary of the biggest change in my life to date. A day that has taken 3 months of life from me, but at the same time, freed me of a world of stress, burden, guilt, and unusual sadness in a job that I liked at one point in time.
I had a break through of sorts during my last counseling session. I managed to make it through an hour and a half of talking about this robbery, the suspects, my co-workers, my family and their reactions and lack there of… without a single tear. Doesn’t seem like much, I know. However, to me, this was HUGE. That was a first and personally I hope it continues. It is a sign of the next of many baby steps to come. To have something like this consume your life and have people so close, yet feel so far is hard to stomach. It’s one of those times that the old addage “Actions speak louder than words” rung very true. My view of some will forever be changed by their actions… and in some cases, even their words.
The next baby step, I hope, is finding something to do on a regular basis. This sitting at home has been driving me crazy. Kinda funny when you think about it… significant event happens, you go to counseling to keep from going crazy… while sitting at home is starting to have the same effect. Wonder if there is counseling for that? Or is it to just get back out there? Who knows. I am interested to see where the next few weeks lead. I am winding down the approved allotment of sessions, so I guess it will be time… soon… to see if they’ve worked. At this point, the only thing I do know is that I am super happy to not have to return to insurance. That place sucked the life out of me. The summer cold I caught last weekend has been doing the same thing. This entire week I have spent either on the couch asleep or in the bed… with a few intermissions, esp for our yard sale and for keeping B for the night this weekend.
In other news, things as a whole seem to be looking up. Business for D had slowed to a crawl (not the first time in our brief 2 year marriage), and we’ve been having to do the cut back on our expenses. I’ve been praying hard for a path that is clear, but we all know God works in His own way and His own time. That has been one of the biggest lessons of the last 3 months. In two days there will be another anniversary – the day I quit working to take care of myself… since no one else seemed to be trying. As I look back on that week, the most trying of my life (outside of the time my parents separated), I can’t help but think it is all apart of a plan. There is a higher being at work here, and if I’m patient enough I will see the road ahead. Right now, it’s like driving through fog with no fog lights and almost running off the road. After the events of the past few days the road seems to be clearing up some. I don’t want to jinx the works, so I will leave it at that. Just know that there will be more on that soon!
- Good night!
