It has been a while since I’ve even felt like logging into this blog. The last few months have been hard, but as money tightens and relationships rock, things have slowly become worse. Because we all know that the world doesn’t stop just because you get your feet swept out from under you. Most times, it is going to take every hit/kick/pull it can… just to make sure you are down.
2010 will be remembered as a year that I had to simply rely on my faith. Now, I am not one of the outspoken Christians. I am not the one running to the altar every time there is an ‘altar call’. I am not the one volunteering all of my time or making it a point to be at church every time the doors are open. I am probably not the person you would ask to say a prayer outloud. God and I do our talking, but it is in our own way… much like that of everyone else. But being none of these things does not make me any less Christian. It does not make my ‘work’ on Earth any less significant than those who are more vocal. I rely on my faith to get me through day-to-day. I learned this when I was young. This week will be the first week that my husband and I do not attend our normal church. We’ve missed Sundays before, but this one will be different. This is the beginning of something new. I have never been put in the position to pick between a church or the pastor or a certain way of doing things. This church is one of the main reasons David and I are even together. The decision was hard and has long been in the making. We volunteer, excuse me, we were volunteers in the sound/media department. With the change in leadership 2 1/2 yrs ago we felt like we were slowly being lowered into a well… one in which no one could hear our comments/suggestions/requests. After a series of unfortunate events, we’re both out and feel awesome about the door that has just opened in our lives. It wasn’t burn out – it was just a difference of opinions.
Believe it or not, I am much older than I seem, and my childhood wasn’t anywhere close to peaches and cream. I have had to fight, not as much as some, but certainly more than others. My father is an alcoholic. Now, he will never admit to that, and Lord knows I will probably get chewed out if he ever saw those words… he is a gambler, as well. Many of my birthday parties got pissed away from the mere fact that no one would stand up to him and send him home. His late nights in the bar at our local country club forced me to become an adult, even a parent in some cases at a very early age. I cooked, I cleaned, I washed kids, I watched kids, you name it – I did it. I realized that first time we were left to wait for our father that, that would be the case just about every day for the rest of our lives. All by the age of 10. Who’dathunkit?
Of course, that’s not where it stops, but that is where I choose to stop. I am far past my ‘daddy issues’. One thing he taught me: No expectations = No disappointment. For a short minute there, I had set that train of thought aside. Where did it get me? In a dead end job, robbed at gun point, and a few family members that could really have cared less. Here we are 4 months after the fact and I can say that without shedding a tear. Guess that counseling is paying off, eh?
Of course, every thing comes back to that date 4 months ago when my life turned upside down. Now I do not dwell on it as much as I used too. There is a point where it just becomes a part of your life. A lot of tears/screaming/counselling have gotten me to this point. I am looking forward to figuring out what is in store for David and I on this journey called Life. He is currently waiting on word about a full-time position with the PH Conference. I am waiting on being released from the doctor’s care to be able to return to work. Not the position I was in before, but something better (hopefully).
Not all change is bad… or waiting in the balance… We do have a new niece… she is a cutie. Born Aug. 17th, she really has been a bright spot in the last few weeks. Even though I want to spoil her, but can’t because my money is low. She doesn’t know any better and that makes it all the more better. Who knows, maybe there will be a baby in 2011 for these Rowdy Gowdys… I’ll leave it there. Promise to catch up on more later in the weekend. I am re-committing to the exercise program I have been putting off for a while… it’ll be interesting to see how well that goes.
-Until then…
